The Last Thing the Author Said: Writing by Nick Sweeney
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Unintentionally hilarious - a memory sparked by passing by a cafe I used to go to

3/9/2016

3 Comments

 
I was out walking in the City of London today and passed a place that used to be a lunchtime cafe back in the mid-70s when I used to work near there. It's now friggin Starbucks, or something. ANYway, one lunchtime back in the day, I went there with a colleague, and at the counter I pointed to some kind of meat, and asked the guy behind the counter, "What's that?"

He said, "It's veal."

Almost without a pause, I said, "Okay. I'll have a cheese and pickle sandwich, please."

My colleague roared laughing, nudged me, said, "Classic!" and the guy behind the counter was all annoyed.

So one thought I was trying to amuse him - a bit of the Two Ronnies, maybe - and the other thought I was trying to offend him, but in fact it was only me mentally processing that I didn't want veal, and thought I'd stick with cheese, but without revealing it to my audience. I remember feeling a bit embarrassed, and, once I'd seen that I'd annoyed him, apologising to the man behind the counter. I'd not yet worked in catering...but somehow knew not to offend anybody in a place I went to regularly!
3 Comments

    LAST THING

    Nick Sweeney

    Kent-based musician with Clash covers band Clashback, among others. Writer of novels, short stories and pastiche Balkan tunes. My five longest works are Laikonik Express, The Exploding Elephant, A Blue Coast Mystery, Almost Solved, The Émigré Engineer and Cleopatra's Script. My stories are all over the place... in a good way!

    Picture
    Cleopatra's Script, set in 1990s Rome. A couple's romance is thrown off-course by the murder of a young Roma child, and their knowledge of the killer. Golden Storyline Books, December 2022.

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